Running Down a Dream

With the race now only 2 weeks away, training has started to calm down quite a bit. Last week was the longest run we'll do before race day; 12 long miles! After that we start what's called "tapering" by running progressively less and less to allow our muscles to recover and give less chance for injury so close to race day. This morning we ran 7 miles in the wind and rain but next Saturday we're down to 4, then the next Saturday it's only 1 because the next day is the half marathon!! It's hard to believe it's here already, yet it seems like it's been a long time coming. 

With so many generous donations from awesome people and the funds raised from our 2ND Annual Run Like Hale 10K this past July, we are just $165 away from reaching our goal of $5,000 for The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. How awesome is that?!? If you haven't donated yet, there is still time! Help us reach our goal before the Freep! If you've already donated, thank you again! We really appreciate your support. 

Financial gifts are always appreciated, but I wanted to take a moment to recognize those that have supported us in another, equally as important way. These are the people that have taken time out of their busy lives to spend the night at our home Friday nights so they could be there to care for our 4 children when we left for our group long runs bright and early Saturday mornings. These are the people that come over the afternoon before the race and stay overnight with our children all during the race day as well. Without them, we could have never been able to train together (which is so very important!), or have been able to train so well, or be able to run in the race at all. My mom, Debbie Kerr; Wayne's mom, Carol Wheatley; my step-mom, Susan Mann; and my sister & brother-in-law, Shawna & Jason Bradley, have all been those people. To them we extend our sincere gratitude for their unending and uplifting support, and their tireless love of our tireless children. Wayne and I thank you from the bottom of our hearts!

Race day is just 2 short weeks away. 14 days until I run in my very first half marathon; how crazy is that! An asthmatic with crappy knees who hated to run is lacing up to go 13.1 miles before the sun comes up with a bunch of other crazy folks. That's what the inspiration of knowing you can make a difference can do. Thank you to all who have helped us on this journey, financially or otherwise. We are so blessed by you all and give you a hearty "GO TEAM!"!

Planning to Wait

I'm a planner. I like to know what I'm doing ahead of time so I can arrange everything about my day accordingly. Running a household of 6 people necessitates it. So you can imagine how stressful it is for me when I don't get a clear signal from the Lord as to what my next steps should be. I spend most of my waking moments trying to figure out what it is I am to do and I go to sleep and dream dreams of frustration and anxiety. Perhaps you can relate?

The other day I had the chance to speak to a very close friend of mine for the first time in awhile. She moved to the other side of the state awhile back and with our busy schedules we don't get to catch up as often as we'd like. As the conversation progressed she asked me how I was adjusting to this new phase in my life (she had read my previous post) and if I had decided on a plan yet. I told her how I was struggling and she says to me: "Well, I hope you're not thinking you have to hurry up and get out there and do something really big right away." ......

It was at that moment, after hearing her verbalize it, that I realized that that was exactly what I was thinking.

I feel a tremendous amount of pressure to be "who God created me to be" and for some reason, in my mind, that is someone BIG. Someone who changes the world somehow for the better. Someone who sets the captives free and cares for the orphans and widows. For some reason I had put these tasks, assigned to all of us from God, on myself on a grand scale. I got it in my mind that, in order to please God, I had to get to the level of Mother Teresa in one area of need or in many, and fast. This idea of needing to do something HUGE and QUICKLY has caused me to accomplish nothing but exhausting myself by creating a state of anxiety fueled by the fear that I'm failing God by not being able to figure this out. My friend's comment hit me square in the face and made me start to see the truth of what God wants me to do. I truly believe God spoke to me through her (wouldn't be the first time!) and told me to STOP. He reminded me that anxiety and fear do not come from Him, nor do confusion or stress. He reminded me that, although He may or may not have "BIG" plans for my life, He will reveal to me what I am to do in small increments, when the time is right. He reminded me that "great" things aren't always "BIG" things, but all things done in line with His will are precious things to Him.

I realized that, no matter how many times I've believed I have eradicated this pattern of thinking in the past, I'd fallen right back into the belief of a "works based" belief system. I had again picked up the burden of believing I had to prove myself to God, essentially saying that Jesus' sacrifice on the cross wasn't enough to cover the things I'd done or failed to do, and I didn't even notice it.

This morning, as I read my devotional, the text struck me. It read: 

"This is my desire for you: that you stay near Me as you walk along your life path." "Although you may feel as if you are going nowhere in this world, your spiritual journey is another matter altogether..." (Jesus Calling by Sarah Young - I highly recommend it!)

I realized, again, that all He requires of me is to stay near to Him. That's it. That's all. If I can do that, He'll let me know exactly what I'm to do and when I am to do it. Simple, yet so easily forgotten. 

What Will Become of Me?

Right now, as I sip coffee and type away on my front porch, I am undisturbed. The usual sounds of little feet trudging down the stairs and little hands opening the front door are absent. If I feel the need, I can go inside and use the bathroom without having to lock anyone out. You see, today is the first day that all four of my children are in school full time. Today is the first time in nine years that I don't have a little one at home (or two) to take care of and drag around town with me. Today is the first day of a new chapter in my life, and I can't help but wondering......

.....what will become of me? Even now I keep thinking that I should speed this up so I might have a chance of finishing this paragraph before she wakes up. Then I have to remind myself that she's already up....and gone! I don't have to worry about fitting what I need to do in the couple of hours available between meals. Hell, I can skip lunch altogether if I want to! The joy! I don't have to stress over whether or not she is going to run out of the yard the moment I turn my back. The relief! I don't even have to answer countless questions over, and over, and over again all .....day.....long. The rapture!

(Yes, I love my kids and I am already missing that little peanut. Is that clear? Let's move on then.)

Now that my schedule is finally my own (between the hours of 7am-5pm anyway), I find myself at a little bit of a loss as to what to do with it. Of course there are the obvious things that must get done like housework, grocery shopping, basic hygiene, etc..., but I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about me. My life. My purpose. What I was put here on Earth to do outside of my familial obligations. What is it?

I could do aerobics in here.

I was hoping I'd have that figured out by now, but I don't. If you know me, then you know I'm a planner and not having a legit plan is rather troubling. I have spent the last nine years planning out, mulling over, and executing what I believed to be the best options for my four children. In those years, there were few times where I truly did the same for myself. My time was all but consumed with them, at no fault of their own, and that was OK. I wouldn't change that for anything even if I could. Now that their need for me and my time has changed significantly, I have to completely refocus my time and energy during the day and I'm realizing that that might be a tougher task than I'd originally thought. Perhaps the significant drop in interruptions will help bring around some clarity. Right now, so many ideas and half contemplated possibilities are flying around in my head that I can barely focus on what I'm typing. I feel like a Choose Your Own Adventure book at a seemingly mundane but secretly pivotal point. Where do I go from here? Which heart cry do I give heed to? How do I know which move is the best one?

The one thing I am sure of is that I need to give myself some grace and some time to adjust to this new normal. I need to allow my head to clear and fully embrace this new season. I need to trust that God will reveal what I need, when I need it, and not a moment before. I need to stop trying to see the final outcome, and focus on only what is right in front of me. As of right now, that is everything.

Fighting Cancer, One Aching Muscle at a Time.

As I ran through my neighborhood the other day, dripping in sweat and willing myself not to stop, my thoughts kept returning to those who are too sick to run.......too weak to run.....or would have loved one more day here even if just to watch someone else run. Usually I'm not such a deep thinker in the throes of a 2 mile run in 98% humidity, but lately I have been. What changed from last year, or the year before that? What makes my mind cling to what most would think of as depressing thoughts to push me forward when I'd much rather call it quits? The difference is that this year, I Run With A Purpose.

February of 2012, a severe stomach cramp sent my husband, Wayne, to the ER. Within hours he was undergoing surgery to remove 7" of intestine which had become blocked by an inflamed lymph node. Having four young and sleeping children at home (and the fact that this all took place in the wee hours of the morning), I could not be at the hospital with Wayne. It was the next day when I was able to visit him and hear what the doctors had to say: Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma (NHL). Needless to say, it was shocking.

What followed was a whirlwind of doctor appointments, research, doctor appointments, outpourings of support from everyone around us, doctor appointments, and treatment. That last one is what scared me the most. From what I knew about chemotherapy, it was horrible. I envisioned my husband having to leave our home to keep from contracting an infection while his immune system was compromised (remember the four young children I mentioned earlier?). I worried about my abilities to be able to take on every detail of our lives on my own on top of caring for Wayne if he was able to stay at home. I imagined the difficulty of watching my once healthy and active husband waste away from the very thing trying to save his life. It was a stressful time.

Amazingly, none of the things I was concerned about came to pass, and it was all because of a relatively new drug called Rituxan. This treatment is an infusion of antibodies that aids the body in fighting the cancer rather than killing nearly everything in the body to get at it. The news of this treatment was a game changer. Wayne started right away with the only side effects being a slight allergic reaction (easily treated with Benedryl at each infusion) and weight gain from an additional steroid. Two years later the treatment was complete and Wayne was declared cancer free, and he remains cancer free to this day. It was a miracle!

The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society exists to cure leukemia, lymphoma, Hodgkin's disease, and myeloma, and improve the quality of life of patients and their families. They raise awareness and funds to discover & develop life-changing and life-SAVING treatments every day. Dealing with NHL firsthand gave us a new appreciation for what they do and we were determined to give back and do our part to help in the fight against blood cancers.

Already being runners ourselves, Team in Training (TNT) was a perfect fit for us. Wayne signed up to run the Detroit Free Press (The Freep) half marathon with TNT in 2012 and had a blast. In 2013, he decided to run the full marathon at the Freep and to also organize his own 10K race in Hale as a fundraiser as well. Doing so enabled him to earn the honor of being the 2nd highest fundraiser for TNT in The Freep for 2013! This year, his Run Like Hale 10K race is in it's 2nd year and Wayne even convinced me to run my first 1/2 Marathon and join Team in Training myself! So that's why you can catch me running around my neighborhood most days, sporting a bright purple TNT running shirt, and contemplating all that brought me to this moment. That's also why I"m asking for your help in getting me to my fundraising goal of $2,500.00 for Team in Training because now, I Run With a Purpose.

On behalf of all people with blood cancers and their families, including my own, could you join us in our fight by donating today? Every bit helps and every bit makes a difference in people's lives. A REAL, tangible, quite possibly life-changing or even life-saving difference. Join me in helping Team in Training by donating today here, and GO TEAM!