A New Year is Upon Me

Note: I wrote this on Tuesday morning (first day of school for my kids) but I just got around to posting it now! That's how I roll...slowly. :-)

All smiles and giggles were the "Big 3" when I sent them off to school this morning. 1st Grade, Kindergarten, and PreK-4.....how did we get to here?!?

As a family headed by a middle school teacher with 3 school aged children, we mark the passage of time more by the beginning and ending of school "years" rather than when a new calendar goes up.  These next 10 months will be my first full school year with only one child left at home to take care of and, as glorious as that sounds to me, I know it will present it's own set of hardships as the days roll on. My youngest can be....how should I put it....a little demanding. :o) Add to that fact that this is our first school year in our new house (further away from school, family (except my grandma - yay!), and sitters) and the challenges ramp up a notch.

However, whatever challenges I may be anticipating could not take the smile from my face this morning. Not just because three of my four children are going back to school and thus ending the all-day whining and fighting festival that some people call "summer" (now those activities are saved for mornings, evenings, and weekends only), but also because I am excited for this new season of my life to begin.

I know that God brought us to this new house and, though it means some adjustments must be made, I'm keenly aware that He's right here with us. I also know that God desires new growth for me in this phase of my life and I'm excited (and a little anxious, to be honest!) to see what exactly it is He is planning. I have spent most of my life taking care of everyone else first the majority of the time (especially the last 8 years), leaving little, if any, time to take care of myself. Now I believe God's telling me that I am to start focusing more on what He's doing in me and that He is going to use this time to prepare me for what He's planned for me next year, when I'll have the school days all to myself. (Is that a choir of angels singing that I hear?)

Before I go any further, I want to clarify that I'm not going to stop helping other people. Being a mom and a follower of Jesus means that is a given. In my case, I have a tendency to go to extremes when it comes to neglecting myself for the sake of others (Google 'Codependency' and see what I mean) and that tendency only grew stronger when I became a mother, so this is why God is making a point to me at this time about it. It still feels awkward and incredibly selfish to talk about doing something for myself (even if it will benefit others around me as well). Talking about being excited for what the Lord has in store for "me" rather than "us" or "them" feels a bit like putting on dirty clothes, even though I know it shouldn't. I pray that, in time, God will help me overcome this issue completely.  He needs me to be ready for what He wants me to do and that won't happen if I never stop long enough for Him to prepare me for it.

So as I sit here staring this new school year in the face, I pray that all of you who may stumble upon this page and actually read through this post to this point (and even those who don't!) will experience exponential growth through Christ this season. Whether you sent kids off to school this morning as well, or it's just another Tuesday for you, set your mind on the things of God. Ask Him where He wants to take you, then patiently and expectantly listen for His response. Watch for His hand throughout your days. Feel the Spirit nudge you in the right direction. He has so much He wants to show you; all you have to do is ask and act.

Happy 13'-14' School Year!!! 

Movin' On Up

This summer we had two goals for ourselves:

1. Sell our house.
2. Buy a new one.

These two goals have consumed our lives for the past two months and have bled into every area of them in one way or another. At this point we have achieved goal #1 and are a week or two away from achieving goal #2, God willing. For me, this whole process has been an exercise in restraint (of my own anxious tendencies), walking in faith, and trusting God with everything, repeatedly. 

One Mother to Another

"The Big Three", a.k.a. my oldest 3 children, had their last day of school yesterday. As with all the usual end of year chaos, I had been struggling with the teacher gifts this year (they have 6 total, not including special subjects). I went through several ideas and scrapped them. I considered throwing into the pot that the room moms were collecting to get a group gift, but I really wanted something meaningful from me personally.

A Momentary Respite

I belong in the woods. Every time I leave them I feel like I've left part of my soul behind. I feel a peace amongst the trees that I don't feel anywhere else. There is a buoyant hope deep down inside that effortlessly rises to my surface. I feel more real, more alive, more in tune with God and the rest He is always inviting me to find in Him. My souls feels quiet. Even when my mind refuses to relax, on the whole I feel less anxious.

In my life I feel as if I've been tumbling. Tumbling down...down....down... some bump and boulder riddled hill with no end in sight. But now, as I sit in these woods on the back stoop of a cabin, I feel as though I've finally come to a stop. As I catch my breath on this earthen ledge overlooking the rocky descent below I know, without a doubt, that when I pack up my things and leave these trees tomorrow, I will tumble faster and faster down that hill with each mile I put between us. I'm powerless to stop it.

The Price of This Pace

My grandmother died today, and I'm angry.

I'm not angry at God, or strokes, or doctors. I'm angry at myself.

If These Eyes Could Only See

Last weekend was a weekend full of excitement. Among the many events going on, the highlights were the "Picture Party" for the team I traveled to Haiti with, and our church's spring baptism service where 9 people I love were baptized, including my 2 oldest children and one of my closest friends! It was a whirlwind of excitement and joy where, for the first time since being in Haiti, I felt as if I were on mission for God almost constantly.

Reuniting with the Haiti team was such a blessing. When you spend a week in constant, deeply personal & spiritual community with a group of people, then you are thrust back into your life like being shoved off a moving train, it can be a little jarring.

Getting Out of the Boat (An Open Letter to New Missionaries)

Just last week one of my nieces went on her first mission trip. Having just had my own first mission trip experience, I was very excited for her and all that she would experience. Her supporters were invited to write her a letter that would be given to her while on mission, so I did. I'm posting it here to share the sentiments within with all new missionaries embarking on their first trip or for people considering taking their first mission trip. Of course, even if you don't fall into one of those categories, you are welcome to read and comment as well! My trip to Haiti changed me deeply in profound ways. My hope is the same for all who decide to follow God's call to "get out of the boat."

Forever Changed (An Open Letter to My Support Team)

Dear People I Love,

Sitting down to write this letter to all of you who dared to follow God’s prompting and support me in my journey to Haiti last week, whether financially, in prayer, or both, is both an exciting and daunting task. How does one sum up 8 days of their life that will forever change all the days that are to follow? How can I relay the depths of what transpired during my time in Haiti in less than a novel’s worth of pages?

T-5 Days to Take Off! (An Open Letter to My Support Team)

Bonjou!

It’s almost take off time for Haiti and I couldn’t be more excited! Thank you so much for your support of me in this endeavor.

Today we had our final meeting before we leave early Saturday morning. We packed all the “team luggage” full of donations, supplies, and things we will need that would not fit in our carry on bags. It was quite a task to load, weigh, reload, label, and itemize the contents of each bag to make sure they stayed under the required weight limit by the airline, but we did it!

I'm No Good (and neither are you!)

Oh, how we love to question God; both believers and non-believers alike. We all seem to believe that we have the right to a complete explanation of all things and we have the audacity to think that we would also be able to fully understand those things once explained. Can we speak and make the land produce animals? No? Then I think it's fair to say God knows more than you or I could ever possibly understand just based on that alone.